Night Raid Watches RVB (Season 2 CONT)
by Bismarck Alexander
Summary: This is a continuation of Mr. War's "Night Raid Watches RVB". I briefly beta'd his work but he lost interest some time ago and gave me permission to pick up where he left off. His work was made in inspiration of "Night Raid Watches Death Battle", by Doctor Snivy who originally beta'd War's work before deciding to move on. I recommend you check out both works.
1. Red vs Bleu

_The Reds and Blues are not shooting at each other. Sarge is addressing Church._

**Sarge: We are giving you a chance to surrender!**

**Grif: There's no way this bluff is gonna work.**

**Sarge: Put a cork in it, Fast Eddie. There's positively no way they know we're outta ammo.**

_Cut to the Blues._

**Church: Yeah, they're definitely outta ammo... (yells back) What're your terms?!**

**Tucker: Their what?**

"Their what?" Stylish, Bols, Lubbock, and Najenda said in unison.

"Wait, what?!" Mine shouted.

"Why is Church agreeing to this? They've got the upper hand!" Mez threw her hands up.

"He probably figured they'd miss every shot if they returned fire." Cosmina surmised.

"Or... he just doesn't care anymore." Dorothea murmured.

They all silently agreed that after what Church went through the last season this was probably gonna be a thing now with Church.

"So... Caboose was shot for nothing." Esdeath said glowering at the screen. While she didn't care much for Caboose she found it unbecoming of a leader to sacrifice soldiers in such a way.

_Cut to the Reds._

**Grif: Our what?**

**Simmons: I can't believe this is actually working. See if we can get Lopez back, Sarge.**

**Grif: Oh yeah. 'Cause then he can fix the Warthog.**

Leone and Lubbock groaned at the memory of the Red Team's vehicle. While it was an awesome vehicle it seemed to come with a lot of bad luck. Suzaku and Seryu giggled at the memories of the Warthog getting blown up. Coro was drooling from all this talk of 'Warthogs' and wanted to eat one.

"Hmm I guess this is happening." Run said shrugging.

**Donut: Oo oo, Sarge - tell them we want the flag.**

**Grif: Yeah, and some cake!**

**Donut: Ooh... Wait wait Sarge, just the cake.**

"Cake? Really." Mine said deadpanned.

"The cake is an excellent trade." Akame said drooling.

"Peace through cake." Kurome agreed, also drooling.

"It makes sense now; wars can be stopped with cake." Akame turned to her sister.

Kurome met her sister's eyes and added, "We should build a new Empire, a world centered around cake."

"Alright girls we get it. Cake is amazing." Bols intervened pulling them out of cake fantasy land.

**Sarge: Alright, Blues! First off! We want your flag-!**

**Simmons: Wait wait wait just a second. The last time we got the flag, the chick in the black armor showed up.**

**Sarge: ...to stay right where it is! Keep the flag! But we do want our mechanized droid guy back!**

"You know what? I'm not actually mad at them for this?" Akame flatly playing tug of war with Coro over some meat.

"Yeah after the ass kicking Tex gave them I'd stay far away from that flag too." Lubbock agreed.

"But Tex died." Wave pointed out.

"They'd rather not take any chances. And the Red's are unaware about Church's stance towards Freelancers." Bulat said.

**Church: Uh oh.**

**Sarge: You may know him as Señor El Roboto!**

_Cut to the Blues._

**Tucker: Well, Church, what's it gonna be?**

**Church: Chingado, no way. I'm not giving back my body. I just got this thing.**

**Sarge: And don't think you can keep his nuts! Or bolts, or other mechanical parts you may have!**

**Church: Uh... Uh, he's not here any more!**

**Tucker: Yeah, he left! He was all like "Sayonara!" and then he just took off!**

"Nice save you two." Dorothea said sarcastically.

"Yeah and go where? They're in a box canyon." Mez said.

"Yeah how- wait... Sayonara? That's... Nippon." Wave said.

Seryu looked at Wave. "Ni-what?"

"Its from... The Land of the Rising Sun as I remember one guy calling it. Its a nation from the east across the ocean. When I was in the navy merchant ships needed our protection from pirates and we would meet people from these exotic lands. The man I met was from that land." Wave scratched his chin in contemplation.

"Land of the Rising Sun? Another name for Japan. The country mentioned in Death Battle where M. Bison and few other characters are from." Susanoo added.

"Hmmm... well it seems that our worlds and more similar than we thought." Najenda said before puffing out some smoke.

Run snapped his fingers an added, "Come to think of it, I remember a large group of these Easterners settled down on these lands a few hundred years before the before the Empire's creation. But because they were practically a minority they quickly assimilated in into the larger populations, but some of some aspects of their cultures stayed with us as they disappeared."

"Wow I guess we have a lot to learn." Lubbock said in mild amazement.

"Yeah and you seen to know a lot about the outside world, Wave." Kurome said rather... interested in what else was in that head of his.

**Church: That's not Spanish you idiot, that's French.**

"Wave what about French? Have you ever heard of this language called... 'French'?" Kurome asked.

Wave scratched his head and replied, "I don't think so. I mean I've heard of the name." The former sailor felt his heart flutter upon this new interest in him that Kurome has developed. While he wanted to explore it he did not want to push his luck so early.

**Church: Let's try this: Hey, Reds! How about a medic?! Would you take a medic as a hostage?!**

**Doc: A hostage? But I'm supposed to go over there.**

"Excellent! A clever idea really." Susanoo nodded with his arms crossed.

"Well a bit pointless since they would have gotten him even if Blue Team wasn't surrendering." Chelsea said sucking on her sucker.

"Yeah but the Reds don't know that. They don't even know they have a neutral Medic." Dorothea said.

"A medic that I doubt is useful." Stylish added.

_Cut to the Reds._

**Simmons: Meh, that sounds pretty good to me.**

**Grif: I don't know, I think we can hold out for more.**

**Simmons: We don't have any bullets, dumbass.**

**Grif: Oh, right. Take the medic. The medic's a good deal.**

"Only because Grif fucked up." Leone said before finishing her third beer.

"Yeah but they wasted their ammo, so I say its a collective... team fuck up." Lubbock said.

"Still he had one job. That is not an excuse... as much as that feels weird in my mouth." Najenda countered.

"I would not hold it against Grif considering it would've been a pointless effort should they have burned through that as well." Bols said,

"Yeah and they get something in return." Tatsumi said.

_Cut to the Blues._

**Church: Hey, Doc. How's the patient?**

**Doc: Doing well. He seems very alert and responsive.**

**Tucker: He's talking about Caboose, right?**

Everyone chuckled at Tucker's comment. Implying that Caboose was the opposite of what Doc described him as.

"Hey Sheele I think we just met your other half." Bulat said in between giggles.

Sheele blushed in return.

**Church: No, I mean his toe. How's the toe I shot?**

**Doc: What, that thing? That fell off like half an hour ago.**

**Caboose: (sad) Rest in peace, pinkie toe... (in O'Malley voice) You shall be avenged!**

Seryu gasped, "His pinkie toe!" Her face turned violently angry, "Justice shall be served for that toe!"

"He lost his toe for nothing!" Sheele and Mine whispered angrily in unison."

"Now Caboose might actually have a reason to kill Church next time." Wave said.

"More like the evil A.I. controlling him." Stylish said.

"It's a vengeance I would be than happy to help him fulfill should he submit to me." Esdeath said. She's taken a liking to Tex and O'malley for what they do and can do.

"Man, if Caboose or O'Malley's gonna make gruesome threats to Tucker cause he doesn't like him, I wonder what he'll do to Church over his pinkie toe." Lubbock said while he and few others shuddered.

**Doc: (sighs) Tell you what... Go ahead and send me over. I really don't think I can be any more help.**

**Church: Okay! We're gonna send over our medic! Now what do we get?!**

**Simmons: You?! You're surrendering! You don't get anything except humiliation and ridicule!**

**Tucker: We've already got that! What else do you have?!**

Everyone except Susanoo laughed at that response.

"The sad thing is, its actually true for them." Sheele said in between giggles.

"No kidding." Lubbock said wiping a tear.

Seryu was rolling on the floor, holding on her sides, laughing her ass off. Wave had a hard time breathing.

"Yeah but why are they bothering with an exchange?" Leone asked starting on her fourth drink after controlling her giggles.

"Well the surrender is not unconditional so they can ask for anything." Bulat said.

**Sarge: What do you want?!**

**Church: How about if you admit that the Red Team sucks?!**

"Well considering they missed every shot that wouldn't be far off." Mine said chuckling

"And not to mention that their offensive and defensive strategies going back to the last season had beyond sucked." Tatsumi nodded.

"Well to be fair their offense only failed because of the Blue Team's tank." Lubbock reminded them.

_The Reds mutter to themselves for a moment._

**Sarge: What if we admit that one of us sucks?!**

**Grif: NICE. Wait, you mean Donut, right?**

"Ohohoho I can already tell where this is going." Najenda said.

"Donut is, arguably, either the best on the Red Team... or the luckiest." Cosmina said.

_Screen blacks and shows "two hours later" in white letters, then returns to the Blues._

**Church: Okay then! We agree to the terms?! You first, and then we send over the medic!**

**Sarge: Get on with it, Grif.**

**Grif: (grunting sigh) I would just like to let everyone know... that I suck!**

"How'd they get Grif to agree to doing this?" Bols asked.

"I don't care this is awesome!" Chelsea said excitedly,

"This is justice for being a terrible soldier!" Seryu pumped her fist up.

**Church: And?!**

**Grif: And that I'm a girl!**

"Oh my god." Mez said burying her face in her hands.

**Church: What else!?**

**Grif: And I like ribbons in my hair! And I want to kiss all the boys!**

"Hey that sounds like Mine!" Chelsea said with a shit eating grin.

"WHA- Uh... wait. T-that does sound like me." Mine blushed knowing she's a girl and into clothes and ribbons. "Except I do not suck and I'm not a hussy like Leone and Esdeath." She glared at everyone while tightly hugging Tatsumi's arm

"Again I marked him. That makes you and Ice Queen the hussies." Leone countered burying his blushing face in her bosom.

"No that just makes me the best challenger since I won't be the one sleeping on the floor-"

"Uhh ladies why don't you kiss Tatsumi now and settle this some other time." Bols suggested.

Mine gave him a quick on the mouth though Leone and Esdeath both gave the blushing young man in question very deep kisses which he returned the best he could. Akame, Chelsea and some of the other girls jealously wondered what his lips tasted like.

**Sarge: This may be the best surrender of all time.**

**Simmons: Okay, is that good enough?!**

**Church: Yeah! (turns to Doc) Alright, go ahead Doc.**

**Doc runs over to the Reds.**

**Grif: (Humiliated) Man, I really hope you're worth this.**

"Well lets see; you forgot the ammo or rather missed your job assignment, so you give up your dignity for a medic." Esdeath summarized.

"Worth it." Mez and Chelsea said in unison.

"But... G-general it would have pointless even if he knew about his duty."

**Doc: Can I ask you a question? Do they put something in the water here?**

**Grif: Water? We ran outta water six months ago.**

Almost everyone looked at the screen dumbfounded at what they just heard from Grif.

"What?" Mine asked deadpanned.

**Doc: No water... Then what do you drink?**

**Grif: Uh, you know, ketchup, uh, soy sauce, gravy, the usual.**

"Those... are not acceptable substitutes to water." Dr. Stylish said.

"I could live off them." Akame said licking her lips.

**Sarge: I only drink the blood of my enemies. And occasionally a strawberry Yoo-hoo. Or a Sarsaparilla. Grenadine, straight from the can. Deeelicious. ...Oh, occasionally I do enjoy a 'Sex on the Beach.' Or a piña colada. (singing) If you like piña coladas, hengh! Gettin' caught in the rain, hengh! And you're not in to yoga, engh! Grif just has half a brain, ungh.**

(End episode)


	2. The Joy of Toggling

_Camera pans down to Doc and Grif talking outside Red Base._

**Doc: So he was shot in the head...**

**Grif: Right.**

**Doc: ...and you gave him CPR for a bullet wound in the head.**

"Oh, they're talking about Sarge getting shot last season." Seryu said.

"I wonder what the Medic will have to say about that CPR treatment." Sheele said

**Grif: Exactly.**

**Doc: Yeah, I think that's a perfectly acceptable treatment.**

"Alright, that alone makes me question his qualification as a medical professional." Dr. Stylish said clearly irritated with a tick mark pulsing off his head.

"Could be worse." Cosmina added.

**Grif: That's what I said.**

**Doc: Oh yeah, people often overlook alternative methods of care. Like that Blue guy that was shot in the foot during the battle? All I did was rub his neck with some aloe vera, he was fine.**

"Déjà vu anyone?" Lubbock chuckled shaking his head.

**Grif: Yeah, I don't know about all that. I'm just glad that Sarge is wrong.**

**Sarge: Grif! Yer supposed to be watching the prisoner, not playing lookie-loo with him all day long!**

**Grif: Come on Sarge, he doesn't even have a gun.**

"Yeah and he's pretty much harmless since he's a pacifist." Bols said.

"Plus he's there to help both sides." Chelsea added.

**Simmons: Oh, well you two will be great friends then. He doesn't have a gun, and you didn't bring any ammo!**

**Grif: Hey thanks, kiss-ass. If I wanna take guarding tips from the guy that lost our last prisoner, I'll be sure to ask you.**

A series of oohs and hisses and some laughs filled the room at Grif's retort.

"Oohoohoo I think felt that one." Leone said grinning giving thumbs up to Grif's rebuttal.

"He's got a point. Even though he was knocked out by a possessed Sarge no one would buy it sooooo its not excusable." Cosmina said.

"I guess the score is Simmons: 1 and Grif: 2." Tatsumi said.

**Donut: Oh man, that is a burn. Dude, you just got burned. Burned, dude, burned.**

**Simmons: Oh shut up, your armour's pink.**

"Hey leave him alone! At least he's not a kiss ass." Mine shouted defending Donut.

**Doc: Uh, hey, guys? I-I just want everybody to know that Grif and I aren't, uh, technically friends.. uh, we're just talking. That's it. (to Grif) Sorry, man, but it's pretty obvious that you're really unpopular, and if I'm gonna make any progress around here at all I can't really be directly associated with you. I'm sure you understand.**

**Grif: ...**

"It's only because no one likes you." Mine smirked.

**Doc: It's only because no one likes you.**

**Grif: ...**

"Oh look an echo." Leone teased Mine which made her growl in annoyance.

**Doc: Stop staring at me.**

_Camera zooms through the gulch, revealing Sheila still in the middle of it, then ends on Church and Tucker behind Blue Base._

**Tucker: Hey Church, if your body is the Red Team's old droid, and droids usually fix stuff, can't you just activate your repair sequence and fix Sheila?**

**Church: Huh... Well, yeah it's worth a shot, I guess. (clears throat) Alright. Stand back. (Tucker takes a step back) Huhrur...! Heeungh...! Hoom...!**

"He's just making sounds." Dorothea commented.

"Sounds like he's constipated." Mez said.

**Tucker: Anything?**

**Church: Yeah, it's not as easy as you'd think it would be.**

**Tucker: Maybe there's a button on you somewhere...**

**Church: See what you can find. I'll keep trying from in here... Huroor...! Oh! Hey!**

**Tucker: Found it?**

**Church: Nah, no wait. All I found was the time and temperature function. It is currently twenty-six degrees, by the way.**

**Tucker: What? It's not twenty-six degrees out here, that's freezing. (as Tucker talks, Caboose passes through the entrance of the base)**

"Anyone see that?" Mine asked pointing at the screen.

"See what?" Wave asked.

"Someone run- go back." Mine grabbed the remote and rewound and paused at where a figure had passed by the entrance of the base.

"There." Mine said pointing at the screen again

"That's just Caboose, Mine." Run said.

"But look at the armor color. Its the same as Church's."

"It's probably nothing Mine, lets just watch it." Najenda suggested.

Mine is acting out on her sniper instincts in regards of taking notice of any changes around. This was one of them.

**Church: Celsius, Tucker.**

**Tucker: Oh come on, dude, Celsius sucks. (kneels down and looks at Church) Hey, I found something.**

**Church: Oh yeah? You found a button?**

**Tucker: Naw dude, it's more like a ...switch.**

Tatsumi froze when he realized where the switch exactly was. He quickly glanced at each girl in his 'harem', and Bulat, preparing himself for the innuendos that were bound come his way.

**Church: Well, give it a flip.**

**Tucker: I don't wanna flip it.**

**Church: What's the problem?**

**Tucker: It's in a weird place.**

"Oh no." Sheele muttered in realization.

"Oh my." Bols said blushing in embarrassment.

"Could be bigger." Bulat commented, smirking.

**Church: Oh you've gotta be kidding me.**

**Tucker: You flip it.**

**Church: These arms aren't that flexible, I can't even reach down there.**

**Tucker: What about Caboose?**

**Church: Oh man, he's so stupid, I don't even know if he knows how to operate a switch.**

"That was harsh." Run said.

"Yeah and this is coming from the guy who couldn't hit Donut with the sniper rifle." Akame said while Mine nodded in agreement.

"And who doesn't know how his own body works." Suzaku added.

**Tucker: Oh man...**

**Church: C'm-Tucker, come on. We'll laugh about it later. I'll buy you dinner.**

**Tucker: (kneels down and tries to flip the switch) It won't move, it's stuck.**

**Church: Did you try wiggling it?**

**Tucker: No way, I'm not wiggling your dongle.**

"Tatsumi," Leone whispered huskily into his ear pressing her breasts into the side of his face, "if you ever have any problems wiggling your dongle just come find me."

Tatsumi blushed profusely, willing himself to not take the busty blonde right there, in front of everyone.

Esdeath sneered at her blonde rival and moved in to match her advance on Tatsumi. "And after when she fails you can come to me."

"D-duly noted." Tatsumi stuttered.

Mine had to will away the urge to grab her Pumpkin and blast away those big boobed hussies.

**Church: Oh, stop being a baby. Just wiggle it.**

_Tucker kneels back down._

**Church: (Looks down at Tucker) ... So, you from around here, baby?**

With the exception of Susanoo everyone started laughing.

"Hahahah! Oh man that was priceless." Lubbock said wiping a tear from his eye.

"Kudos to you Church." Chelsea giggled, slowly clapping her hands.

"Ya know... that kinda reminds me of the the slums. Especially if I was involved." Leone said with a blush on her cheeks.

"So the Lioness admits she's been tainted by other men." Esdeath smirked thinking she could use this against her romantic rival.

"Men? I didn't hook up with men."

"Well that doesn't- Wait, what?" Esdeath said as she did a double take.

Everyone froze at Leone's apparent confession of being bisexual.

"I'm a virgin. But that doesn't mean I didn't get carried away with some girls I met after drinking enough to find them cute or just down right hot." Leone smirked while a light blush spread across her face.

Chelsea clears her throat and puts on a smile and asks, "Hey if any other girl here like me or Akame wanted to get with Tatsumi would he have to get with you too? Out of curiosity."

"Not unless you want to. Except for Akame and Ice Queen, they will have to." Leone winked at them.

"Want makes you think I will ever do such a thing." Esdeath glared at her. Though in truth Esdeath did find Leone rather attractive.

"Because your pretty hot and you don't back away from challenges. And I find Akame pretty cute." Leone said playing with Tatsumi's hair.

"I guess I met my downfall." Esdeath smiled with a bigger blush, knowing full well she cannot back down from any challenge.

Akame blushed heavily knowing if she wants Tatsumi she might have to alter sexuality. Maybe.

Sheele didn't respond to any of this but was rather stiff sitting where she was. 'Well... I suppose it can't be worse.'

The ladies of Wild Hunt and the Rakshasa Demons looked at each other.

"If it doesn't work out for me I can switch over to Lubbock." Mez whispered to the girls.

Lubbock sobbed pitifully as comedic tears sprayed out of his eyes. "Why him?" He cried out which earned him a mechanical punch to the head from Najenda.

Seryu sighed whilst hugging Coro to her chest. She mentally vowed to herself that when all this was over, she would follow General Esdeath example and find love herself.

"You know what Leone? I was prepared for whatever suggestive comments that came, except for that." Tatsumi said wide eyed.

"Okay everyone lets get back to the movie." A lightly blushing Run suggested.

**Tucker: Okay look, if you want me to do this, you can't talk like that.**

**Church: Alright alright alright alright, I'm sorry, I'm just kidding, I'm just kidding.**

**Tucker: I wish Tex was here, she wouldn't have any problem flipping it.**

"Probably because Tex isn't the type to get down on her knees." Esdeath said crossing her arms.

"Ezzy, he was talking about their relationship." Leone tried to clarify.

"Same thing." Esdeath waved her off.

**Church: You obviously did not know Tex that well.**

**Tucker kneels back down and flips the switch and a beeping noise starts.**

**Tucker: There! Anything?**

**Church: Nope. Nothin'. That's kinda weird. Do you hear something beeping?**

_Cut to the Reds._

**Sarge: Are there any ideas on what to do with the prisoner?**

"What is that beeping sound?" Sheele asked.

_The same beeping starts fading in, approaching the same volume._

**Simmons: Well, we have to get him away from Grif, because ...yeah, you know, it's kinda cruel and unusual to have to talk to him.**

**Donut: How 'bout we, um, let him trade armour with uh, one of us? That would show him.**

_The Warthog's headlights flash in time with the beeping_

**Warthog: (voice is warbled and slurred) Warthog online. (the headlights flash once and remain on, and the voice is now up to speed) Homing beacon activated.**

"Uh, oh. I think I figured out the switch's purpose." Mez said.

**Donut: Sarge, d-d-did the car just talk?**

**Sarge: Uh oh.**

* * *

I hope you enjoyed this. Please until the next update check out my RWBY fic.


	3. Sweet Ride

_The Warthog faces the Reds and Doc._

**Simmons: Okay, I get it. You built a remote control for the jeep into Lopez.**

"Sarge did what?" Run asked.

"I'm actually not surprised that he would do something like that." Mine said shaking her head.

"I find it somewhat clever. An ingenious way to utilize one's equipment." Susanoo said, crossing his arms.

"Was clever. I wonder how this will bite'em in the ass." Leone said drinking some more booze.

"What's amazing is that Sarge makes a better engineer and mechanic than a leader." Najenda surmised.

**Sarge: Yep. But there's no way anyone could have found out how to turn it on. I hid it in a place no one would ever look. Unless... (turns to Donut) Hey, Pretty-in-Pink, were you messin' with my robot?**

**Donut: What're you asking me for?**

A few wanted to say it was about his pink armor but they didn't want to piss off Mine.

"Better keep Bulat away from Susanoo." Lubbock whispered to Najenda who just shook her head chuckling.

**Grif: So someone else controls the jeep right now? And the big gun attached to it?**

"Yeah that's a pretty terrifying thought." Lubbock said while Wave nodded in agreement.

"Yeah that the enemy now control's their best, and worst, weapon." Bulat said.

"Silver lining: The Blues have no idea that they do." Chelsea said.

"But even if they did, they'd probably manage to screw that up." Dorothea commented.

**Sarge: Oh, get a pair, you bunch o' Barbies. Even if they've figured out how to turn it on, they'd never know the set of code words to control it. Only me and my diary know that.**

"Real manly there, Sarge." Leone said giggling a bit.

"Hey, like wearing pink, real men have diaries." Bulat said in Sarge's defense.

"Also I've known plenty military men who have diaries." Esdeath added.

"Yeah I know because that's usually the first thing they offer when they defect to the Revolutionary Army." Leone replied cheekily earning a glare from Esdeath,

"General Ogre kept a diary of sorts." Seryu muttered.

"I was given a diary. Something all sailors are given on their first day." Wave said nostalgically.

_Cut to Church, Tucker, and Caboose standing on top of Blue Base, a beeping noise is heard very faintly in the background ._

**Church: There, you hear that?**

**Tucker: Is it like a screaming, high pitched whistling noise followed by a series of random clicks?**

**Church: No, it's just like this constant "beep beep beep" noise.**

**Tucker: Oh. Then no, I don't hear anything.**

**Church: Do you eh, wait - do you actually hear a series of whistling noises followed by some random clicks?**

**Tucker: No, I was just tryin' to be helpful.**

**Church: Yeah, well, you're failing.**

**Caboose: All I hear is that voice, you know, telling us to kill all of our friends before they have a chance to kill us.**

**Church and Tucker: (Both stare at Caboose)**

Everyone just stared at the screen, for most of them their minds were blank from what Caboose just said.

"That's even more terrifying." Lubbock shuddered as he pointed his finger up.

"So... has Caboose been hearing O'malley's voice the entire whole time?" Wave asked.

"How has he not gone crazy?" Dorothea asked.

"There's so much we don't know." Bols said.

"Maybe he's just too stupid to notice." Mez offered.

**Caboose: Wait, you guys don't hear that?**

**Church: Oh man, I can't take this any more. Tucker, you're gonna have to do something, man, this beeping is going to drive me crazy.**

**Camera zooms to the Warthog with Church's words "going to drive me crazy... drive me crazy..." echoing in the background.**

**Warthog: (emits a series of beeps like the beginning of a dial-up connection) Drive.**

When the Warthog spoke Leone spit her beer out and started coughing and Kurome nearly choked on her candy causing Wave to pat her on the back.

"Wha- ARE YOU SERIOUS!?" Mine shouted jumping up from her seat.

"So, Sarge's set of code words are just simple commands?!" Tatsumi asked incredulously.

Esdeath glowered at the screen, "Sarge should be whipped then hanged for his stupidity."

"What a waste of time and engineering." Stylish scoffed while Susanoo nodded in agreement.

"Susanoo, define code word please." Najenda commanded with her one eye glaring at the screen.

"Certainly. It is a word used for secrecy or convenience instead of the usual name for something." Susanoo said.

"Thank you. Assassins of Night Raid, I urge and command you to take this definition by heart."

"Same goes for the rest of you." Esdeath looked at her Imperial comrades.

"I think we should have meeting about code words." Bulat suggested.

"You guys are reading too much into this. I mean in the heat of battle quick and easy words are probably the best for those kind of situations." Lubbock said trying to defend the Reds.

"I agree." Sheele said.

"Well of course you would, Sheele. You sometimes forget regular words." Mine reminded the Airhead who blushed in embarrassment.

**Sarge: Jumpin' Jehozafats, they've cracked the code. Those dern windtalkers.**

**The Warthog drives straight at Doc and hits him. He lands in the driver's seat as it continues driving away with him.**

**Donut: Hey, he's taking the jeep!**

**Doc: Help, this jeep is kidnapping me!**

"This is kinda like how Donut "stole" the Blue flag." Mez said after carefully observing the scene.

**Donut: Now he's taunting us. This is just embarrassing.**

**Simmons: Hey, Sarge, new rule. (camera shows the Reds watching the Warthog drive off into the middle of the canyon) How 'bout we just don't take any more prisoners, since we seem to suck at it.**

(Add dialogue)

"Good rule, Simmons." Mine muttered rubbing her temples.

"The point of having prisoners is lost on this team." Esdeath shook her in disappointment.

"I think I need a stronger drink." Leone said finishing her beer.

"I think all of us do." Chelsea groaned.

Run, Sheele, and Wave were just laughing at the screen.

"Sorry guys. But its still pretty hilarious from just how dumb and useless they are." Wave said wiping a tear.

_Cut to the Blues. Caboose is kneeling in front of Church. The beeping is still present._

**Caboose: I see a switch down here. (whispers loudly) It's not very big.**

Everyone just had a good laugh at Caboose's comment.

"Ya know what? I'm just gonna say it: Caboose is my favorite character in this show." Chelsea said in the the middle of giggles.

"Yeah me too." Lubbock said.

"Probably the reason why Church is an asshole." Tatsumi stated.

Bols blushed in response while some of the others snickered.

"It's not the size that matters but how you use it." Bulat boasted.

**Tucker: Oh yeah, that's it. Just flip it.**

**Church: Wait, stop.**

**Warthog: (in background, in the middle of the canyon, emits its series of beeps) Stop. (stops moving)**

**Church: Caboose... do you know how to work a switch?**

**Caboose: Uhhhhhhh...**

"Is he that stupid?" Mine said.

"Special needs maybe." Run shrugged.

**Church: Alright. Here's a full tutorial then. The switch is pointed in one direction, just turn it around so that it's pointed in the other direction.**

**Warthog: Turn around. (starts turning around)**

**Caboose: (a small metallic noise is heard) Oops. (there's the sound of electricity) It broke itself.**

"C'mon on Caboose you had one job." Dorothea said.

"Well, Church shouldn't have made it complicated." Sheele said in defense.

**Church: Ugh!**

_Cut to the Warthog as it finishes turning, now facing the Reds._

**Doc: Oh man, what now?**

_Cut to a close up of the Reds._

**Grif: That does not look good. Nice kitty, nice kitty. (Donut starts backing up)**

"Yeah that doesn't look good." Tatsumi said quietly

"But great Puma reference." Leone and couple of others laughed at the callback.

_Cut to the Blues. Tucker and Caboose are kneeling next to Church._

**Tucker: Okay, I see two wires down here. One's green, the other one's red.**

**Caboose: What about the blue one?**

**Tucker: That's your thumb, idiot.**

**Church: Come on, guys, just grab whichever one goes to the switch, and yank it out.**

**Tucker: Eh, I can't tell which one goes over there.**

**Church: Then just yank 'em both.**

**Caboose: (stands up) Church, if we pick the wrong one... (whispers) You could explode.**

"That seems like a genuine reason to abstain from it." Dr. Stylish said rubbing his chin.

**Church: I don't care, look, just follow the red one.**

**Cut to the Warthog.**

**Warthog: Acquire target: red.**

"Uh, oh." Seryu said.

"Well this is ironic." Najenda said.

**Grif: Uh, Sarge, y-you, you may wanna start running. (Donut and Simmons back away) Now. (backs away also)**

**Sarge: Ahhhhh fudge pumps.**

"Mmmm, fudge." Kurome drooled while Akame licked her lips.

_Cut to the Blues. Caboose is kneeling again._

**Tucker: Okay, I see what's going on here. The red one goes close to the switch, and the green one goes... eugh, someplace else.**

**Church: Fine, just pull it. Take out the red one.**

_Cut to the Warthog ramming Sarge into the wall of Red Base._

**Sarge: Oh, I'm pinned!**

**Warthog: (emits dial-up noise again) Eliminate red target. (the turret gun starts firing and getting progressively closer to Sarge's head)**

**Grif: You're gonna kill him!**

**Sarge: What a way to go. Killed by my own mechanical creations. I'm sure there's a philosophical lesson to be learned from all this.**

(Add dialogue)

"That senile old men shouldn't join the army?" Tatsumi said.

"That your code words are meaningless?" Esdeath offered.

"That your better off as an engineer than a front line officer?" Lubbock added.

**Simmons: Something about the dangers of technology and the unwavering pride of mankind?**

**Sarge: No, something about hiring better help that doesn't just stand around watching you die!**

(End episode)

"Huh. Yeah that makes sense." Tatsumi said.


	4. Last Words

**FINALLY DONE with this episode. Sorry that you guys waited so long. I was a victim of my own procrastination. Hope everyone is having a good year so far.**

**Anyway I have a couple of confessions regarding this story. When Mr. War was still working on this project and needed a beta, I was hesitant at first mainly because I don't know the main characters 100% because when Akame ga Kill first came out in 2014, I stopped watching after Chelsea's death. Ever since I've picked pieces of the show here and there since then. I watched the season finale. **

**My interest stagnated as I looked for Leone x Tatsumi material (which I didn't know I was a fan of. Leone didn't catch my attention at first) until the winter of 2015 I discovered Killing Your Dark Future by JZT29. Retells the story but without killing off the characters. In fact its a harem fic... Leone, Akame, Mine, Chelsea, and Esdeath.**

**My second confession... too many characters. Mainly the Demons. Didn't know they were until Doctor Snivy introduced them in his fic Night Raid Watches Death Battle.**

**Anyway I wanna thank you guys so far for your interest in this fic. 1502 views, 3 ****reviews, 19 favs and 24 alerts. Feel free to PM me if you have a question.**

**I don't own Akame ga Kill. If I did Akame and Leone would've ended up preggers with Tatsumi's kids.**

* * *

_The Warthog has Sarge pinned and is slowly firing closer and closer to his head. Doc is still impotently sitting in the driver's seat._

**Simmons: Okay, we gotta do something here guys.**

**Donut: You're right. I got dibs on Sarge's armor.**

"Hmm, normally I would want to kill a subordinate for such talk but since its Sarge I guess I can let it slide." Esdeath said crossing her arms.

A few of the others chuckled.

"Well to be honest Esdeath, Sarge's skills as a leader have so far been adequate given the number of chances he was given to lead last season since he was either absent or near death." Tatsumi said.

"Oh Tatsumi, my love, you have much to learn. In fact, I believe there is much we can learn about each other." Esdeath said breathlessly while cupping his chin with one hand and tracing the edges of her shirt with her fingers.

Tatsumi and almost everyone else blushed at the display. While Leone just licked her lips as she stared at the General's cleavage. She muttered, "Yeah I bet I could learn a lot from you Ice Queen."

Lubbock's shoulders shook with great intensity as tried to keep himself from crying himself to death at how lucky Tatsumi was.

_Cut to Blue Base with Tucker kneeling in front of Church. The beeping is still heard._

**Tucker: Okay, Church, you ready? I'm gonna yank the wire.**

_Cut to the Warthog and Sarge._

**Sarge: Grif, if you see Lopez, tell him I forgive him. Tell him... he was like a son to me.**

"He's a robot he programmed and built. So technically, Lopez is Sarge's son in a way." Susanoo said.

"Speaking of Lopez; wouldn't this tell the Reds that that the blues have their robot?" Dorothea asked.

"I don't think so," Seryu said, "they didn't press the issue after their attack on blue base. And there is a lot they don't know

**Grif: I thought Simmons was like a son to you?**

**Sarge: No offence, Simmons. Lopez and I just... understood each other better.**

**Simmons: Understood? He refused to speak English!**

**Grif: Yeah, and he ran away the first chance he got.**

**Simmons: And now he's trying to kill you with a remote control jeep.**

"That's some understanding." Mez said sarcastically.

**Sarge: Ahhhh, what a little rascal.**

_Cut to the Blues._

**Tucker: Alright, here goes nothin'. One... Two... Three! (pulls the wire, there's a small electrical sound, and the beeping stops)**

"Hey it stopped." Suzuka said.

"Finally. It was getting annoying." Dorothea said.

"Wait for it." Najenda said with her mechanical hand up.

**Church: Oh god, yes! Finally! Some freakin' peace and quiet! I thought that was gonna drive me nuts! ...Hey. Why can't I move my legs?**

"There it is." Najenda said.

"Ah." Seryu said.

"Man, Sarge maybe a better engineer or mechanic than a squad leader but his creations seem to have design flaws." Suzuka said.

"Actually, I think his leadership is matched by his mechanics." Cosmina said.

_Cut to the Warthog which stops firing._

**Warthog: (emits its series of beeps, shutting down) Signal lost.**

Esdeath groaned in disappointment. She was kinda hoping Sarge would meet his end.

**Grif: Wow, that was a close one. Are you okay, Sarge?**

**Sarge: Ah, horse puckey, I'm fine. Although I do have to admit, maybe a little bit disappointed.**

**Simmons: It's okay, sir. I know that you said a lot of things that you didn't mean. People say crazy stuff when they're faced with their own mortality.**

Bols and couple of others hung their heads in shame, knowing full well of what Simmons was talking about.

**Sarge: It's not that. I just felt like I could have taken him.**

"Wait, what!?" Chelsea asked grinning.

**Grif: Taken who? The machine gun?**

**Sarge: Oh he was a worthy opponent to be sure, but right at the end there he was beginning to show signs of weakness. Cracks in the armor, if you will.**

**Grif: What? You can't fight a machine gun.**

**Donut: Yeah, Sarge. I know you're tough and all, but it is kinda hard to beat up hundreds of armor piercing bullets using only your face.**

Leone nearly choked on her alcoholic beverage as she started to laugh uncontrollably.

"If he managed that it would be the epitome of manliness." Bulat said pumping his fist.

"That actually does sounds hardcore." Chelsea nodded.

"Or more like dumb luck." Mez said.

"Good point. Everyone hear is so dumb or incompetent that they are basically surviving on dumb luck." Akame said munching on some meat.

"I have decided how I wanna go out," Leone declared, "just not my face or tits. Gotta look good when I meet the reaper." She waved her hand over her aforementioned parts.

"I prefer if you didn't." Tatsumi said to one of his girlfriends.

"Well regardless, Sarge is my second favorite character after Tex." Leone said.

"Same for me." Bulat said.

"A gruff sergeant and a psychotic mercenary? I can see why you and sis would like them, Bro." Tatsumi said.

"I kinda like Simmons, he seems to be the smartest one in the show." Mine admitted.

"Same." Run said.

"I kinda like Tucker. He'd be fun to mess with." Mez said.

"I'm leaning towards Sarge and Church," Wave said, "while they may not be the best at being leaders or soldiers for that matter, they actually try to get things done."

"I guess I like Caboose." Sheele said.

**Sarge: And yet, he surrendered.**

**Doc: Guys, guys, it's okay, I've seen this before. Sarge just lived through a very traumatic ordeal. We all have ways of coping with the stress.**

**Grif: Oh yeah? How do you deal with it?**

**Doc: Oh I have my own system that works pretty well for me. ...By the way, the driver seat of the jeep is gonna need a thorough cleaning.**

Chelsea took her lollipop out and flatly said, "Ew..."

"Oh gross..." Kurome said.

"How did he manage to do that while wearing that armor?" Sheele asked.

_Cut to the Blues._

**Church: This is great, this is just great! Thanks a lot, Caboose. Now what'm I supposed to do? My lower half is damaged.**

**Caboose: Why don't you try walking it off?**

"Dude don't blame him. Blame the fucking guy who built the damn thing." Wave said.

**Church: I can't use my legs, moron.**

**Caboose: Oh, I see. ...Have you tried running?**

"Oh my god. Somebody shut this guy up." Cosmina said pinching the bridge of her nose.

"Screw that. I'm starting to think that Caboose is the funniest character." Dorothea said while giggling.

"It kinda sounds like Sheele giving advice." Leone said.

"Hey." The Air head protested with a frown on her face.

"Well... she does have a point. But your not that bad. I have faith in you even." Run smiled, placing a hand on her shoulder. The gesture made Sheele blush a little.

**Tucker: This doesn't seem like that big a deal. You hardly ever used your legs before anyway. I've never heard of a grown man asking for so many piggy-back rides.**

**Church: Hey, I already told you: that was for science.**

"I... don't even know how to respond to that." Dr. Stylish said.

"I don't think any of us do." Bols said.

**Caboose: Why don't you just try walking on your hands? Then you could use your feet for high fiiiiives, and ...eatin' sandwicheeeees... and, you know, the important stuff.**

Most of them just shook their heads. Akame and Kurome both felt a little disgusted at the idea of using one's feet to eat. Sheele and Cosmina giggled a bit.

_Cut to the Reds._

**Simmons: Hey, Doc, although I'm sure Sarge enjoys having his spine pulverized into dust, maybe you should go ahead and back up the Warthog.**

**Doc: Oh, right. Sorry. (accidentally drives the Warthog forward into Sarge again)**

"Ouch. Think I felt that." Wave said.

**Sarge: Oh, hot buttered lug nuts!**

**Doc: Ooo, geez, I'm really sorry. I-I just was in the wrong gear, let me just... (accidentally rams Sarge again)**

"Can he not drive?!" Tatsumi asked.

"He's a medic. That's his one skill." Dr. Stylish said.

**Sarge: Yoh, geez! There goes mah last kidney! I was saving that one for a special occasion.**

**Doc: Third time's a charm?**

**Simmons: I don't think so, Poindexter. Outta the jeep now!**

**Doc: I'm really sorry guys. I was only trying to help. Really!**

**Grif: Oh, is that all? I for one was totally confused. I thought you were savagely trying to kill our Sergeant by ramming him over and over with a six thousand pound steel death machine. Now that we know that you're just trying to help, by all means, please continue.**

**Doc: ... ...Really?**

**Grif and Simmons: Get out!**

"Oh c'mon, let him try once more. It will probably liberate you from such a pathetic excuse of a leader." Esdeath pouted.

_Cut to the Blues. Tucker is kneeling in front of Church, working on his wires._

**Church: Well just start reattaching wires, I'll tell you when I feel something.**

**Tucker: What about that? Do you feel that, Church?**

**Church: No, what're you doing? I don't feel anything.**

"He must not be doing it right." Lubbock said.

Leone and Wave snickered at his joke.

**Caboose: Oh, Church? You know, I was thinkin'. ...Uh yih yih ya know, when you, when you eat ice cream too fast sometimes and it hurts your brain?**

_The Reds are seen from a distance approaching Blue Base._

**Church: Hey, Caboose? Yeah. Shut up.**

**Caboose: (seeing the Reds) Uhhhh... Church? I think that you should know that the Reds are-**

**Church: Dammit, Caboose! In the short time I've known you, you've managed to call my girlfriend a slut, blow me up with a tank, shoot me in the head, and now paralyze me from the waist down! So I hope it's not too much for me to ask, just for once, if you'd shut yer freakin' mouth!**

"Calm down, Church!" Dorothea said.

"Yeah shut the fuck up!" Cosmina added.

**Simmons: Hey, Blues, we're here to- (sees Tucker kneeling in front of Church) What the hell are you guys doing?!**

(End episode)

"And looks like we are gonna have some more innuendos next episode." Run said.


	5. Nobody Likes You

**FINALLY! An update! Sorry it took so long I was just taking my sweet fucking time. Anyway I encourage you to leave a review and to check out my RWBY fic and CeruleanLancer's works of RWBY and JNPR watching RVB.**

* * *

_Simmons is looking up at the Blues on top of their base._

**Simmons: What the hell are you guys doing!?**

"Boy if I had a coin for every time I heard someone say that when I served in the navy... oh man." Wave just shook his head.

"Same goes for me," Bulat pointed at his thumb at himself, "you won't believe how many rumors I've heard about some of the officers in the unit I served in."

"Hn. Glad I was rejected." Tatsumi said under his breath.

**Tucker: (stands up) Aw crap, the Reds are here.**

**Church: What? Caboose, why didn't you say anything? Hey. One of you guys turn me around. I still can't move my legs.**

"He did say something, you dick! You just went crazy." Cosmina shouted.

"Speaking of dick..." Lubbock chuckled.

"Okay, okay why don't we uhh shelve the dick jokes for now." Run suggested. He was feeling a tad embarrassed from all the casual innuendos being tossed around

"You're no fun." Mez scoffed at him.

**Grif: What were you doing down there?**

**Tucker: Nothing. What're you talking about?**

**Caboose: (from the back) We were just playing a game!**

**Church: Hey, Caboose, we'll handle this.**

**Grif: What in the hell is going on at this base?**

**Doc: I told you these guys are weird.**

"That's an understatement." Kurome commented munching on some cookies

"That has to be the biggest understatement." Najenda added.

"Of all time." Akame added, biting into some meat.

"But that's what makes this so interesting to watch." Suzaku said.

**Church: Whaddaya want, Reds? Get outta here or we'll start shootin' at ya!**

**Grif: Oh yeah? You care to make that threat to my face?**

**Church: (tries to turn around, fails miserably) Uhgh... no.**

**Grif: Yeah I didn't think so. Punk.**

"Ugh. So immature." Mine pinched the bridge of her nose.

**Simmons: Whoa whoa whoa, calm down guys. We didn't come here to fight. We just came to give back the prisoner.**

**Tucker: Give him back? You can't give him back, you took him, a deal's a deal.**

**Grif: Yeah, well forget it. We don't want him.**

"Wow. Out of everyone in that canyon, Doc is the most hated person." Stylish said.

"Ehh. Well if I was one of them, I'd figure he'd just be another screw up. Why add one more to the collection?" Tatsumi commented.

"And he's already proven a mediocre at job." Lubbock said.

"Well that's a bit mean," Bulat said, "he's only been there for a short while so he hasn't been given much chance."

**Church: Well, sorry, you can't have another prisoner. That was our last one.**

**Grif: Hey, dude, what is your problem?**

**Simmons: Didn't your mama ever tell you it's impolite not to look at someone when you're talking to them?**

Akame and Kurome looked down. Tatsumi and Leone put their hands on Akame's shoulders, and Wave did the same for Kurome.

**Caboose: (from back) He's shy!**

**Church: (to Caboose) Shut up. (to the Reds) Look, we don't want him back, and we don't care what you do with him. Now if you don't mind, we'd appreciate if you'd leave us alone. We're in the middle of somethin'... kinda private over here.**

"Yeah they're definitely trying not to look like one of them is havin' a good time." Leone said before giggling.

Chelsea, Lubba, Mez, Bulat and a few others laughed as well. Esdeath, Najenda, Run, and Mine just scoffed at her.

**Grif: That's sad. He is shy.**

**Simmons: Fine, but don't come asking for him back later.**

**Grif and Doc start heading back to Red Base.**

**Tucker: We won't.**

**Grif: Last chance.**

**Church: Beat it, Reds!**

**Grif: Alright, we're goin', we're goin'!**

**Grif, Doc, and Simmons reassemble over a hill.**

**Grif: Man, I thought our team was obnoxious, but those guys are really rude.**

"Uhh that's a nice way to talk shit about your enemies." Dorothea commented, raising an eyebrow.

"It's weird yet funny that somebody would be genuinely offended by their enemies manners." Cosmina said.

"Well it doesn't mean you can't show respect." Bols saids.

"A sentiment I agree with. But only to those who deserve it." Esdeath said.

_Doc turns and starts toward Red Base._

**Simmons: Whoa, wai- hey, whoa, where do you think you're goin'?**

**Doc: (stopping) Back to base with you guys. They don't want me over there...**

**Grif: Heh, yeah, I don't think so.**

**Doc: What? You're not just gonna leave me out here in the middle of nowhere... by myself?**

"Middle of nowhere?! The bases are right next to each other." Seryu said.

"Yeah, anybody could make it across in not even five minutes." Dorothea said.

"Otherwise he'd been in the middle of nowhere, in a box canyon... that's in the the middle of nowhere." Sheele added.

"I kinda feel bad for him." Tatsumi said, knowing what it was like to be singled out and treated in such and manner. Wave nodded in agreement.

**Simmons: Yeah. That's kinda the general idea.**

**Doc: Not you too, right, Grif? Old buddy? Huh?**

**Grif: Sorry, it's pretty clear that you're not very popular around here, and if I'm gonna make any progress at all, I can't be directly associated with you. I'm sure you understand.**

**Doc: ...**

"Oh burn!" Chelsea said.

"Forgot he did that." Mine said.

"Suddenly I don't feel that bad for him." Tatsumi said.

_Cut to Blue Base._

**Church: What's going on? Are they there? Did they leave? Hey, somebody tell me what's happening!**

**Tucker: I don't know, I can't really see too clearly. I bet I could see better if I had that sniper rifle...**

**Church: Uh, Tucker, you might wanna look behind you.**

_Tucker turns around and sees Caboose with the sniper rifle._

**Tucker: Mother fucker!**

Everyone just started laughing.

"Hahahah! Oh man I almost forgot about that." Leone said giggling.

"Once again the elusive sniper rifle slips from Tucker's fingers." Akame said.

"And did he say... mother fucker?" Bols timidly asked.

**Caboose: Uh, ooo Church, Church! Okay, I s-I see something... okay... uh the two red ones are walking away... uhhh... but the purple one is...**

**O'Malley: I think he's going to attack.**

(Add dialogue)

**Church: Purple? Oh wait, the purple guy's that worthless medic.**

**Tucker: He's not gonna attack, he's a pussy fest.**

**Church: Pacifist.**

Leone and Chelsea guffawed.

**Tucker: Ahhh, whatever, let's tie him up and roll him through the teleporter.**

**Church: Wait a second, wait a second, think about this for a minute. Why would the Reds leave him out there by himself? This has to be some kind of trick.**

"He just said he's a pacifist." Seryu said.

"He's acting on instinct," Esdeath said crossing her arms.

"More like a paranoid idiot." Mine said.

**Caboose: I'll bet they've used some kind of brain washing technique on him. They're, they're probably planning to have him do all their dirty plans... and also the schemes...**

_Camera view changes to looking through the scope of the sniper rifle._

**Tucker: Caboose, that is ridiculous.**

**Caboose: Is it? Or is it so ridiculous, (scope zooms in on Tucker's face) it's the most ridiculously perfect idea that you never thought of?**

"Actually it's so ridiculous, he's one upping Sarge in that department." Wave said.

Cosmina and Suzaku nodded in agreement.

**Tucker: No, just the regular kinda ridiculous.**

_Normal view resumes._

**Church: Well just keep your eye on him. We'll know it's a trick if he tries to get into our base.**

**Doc: (from afar) Hey, guys, uh, do you think I could come and hang out at your base for a while?**

"At least until Command sends someone to pick him up." Wave said.

**Caboose: I knew it! We're all gonna die!**

**O'Malley: (aiming at the back of Tucker's head) Starting with you.**

"Yes, start with Tucker." Mine growled.

"Question: If he kills him, is it still a team kill?" Sheele asked.

"Nah." Lubbock said to some agreeing with him.

**Tucker: Sorry, but we're kinda busy here. So go away... or something.**

**Doc: Normally I wouldn't impose, it's just that I don't know the neighborhood too well, and-**

**Church: Listen, Doc, you're not fooling anybody with that innocent victim routine.**

**Doc: Hey, uh, I could help! I know more than just medicine! I'm trained in psychology too. Maybe I could help you with your problem facing people!**

"Pffft hahahaha!" Leone said clutching her sides.

"Oh man, Church cannot catch a break today can he?" Chelsea struggled to breath.

"If he's a bad medic as he is a therapist I'd be worried for any patient he has." Stylish said to some nods.

**Church: Just... get outta here! And tell your buddies the Reds that their little "plan" failed.**

**Doc: ...Well this is just great. I can't believe I failed outta medical school for this.**

**(End episode)**

"WHAT! No wonder he's a lousy medic!" Najenda cried.

"What kind of training or selection process do they have!?" Wave asked.

"Mmm." Seryu wondered why they would send someone so inadequate for this assignment.


	6. Nine Tenths of the Law

**FINALLY! Took me forever. I wanna thank Mr. War for posting that update that informed all of you that I'd be taking over that caused a spike in likes, faves and follows for both the story and myself. And I wanna thank those that did during that spike. ****7367 Views, 89 Favs, 112 Alerts and 11 Reviews.**

**I will do my best with the reaction of this season. I can't promise beyond that. In the meantime I recommend you check CeruleanLancer author of ****RWBY and JNPR Watch The Blood Gulch Chronicles and ****RWBY and JNPR Watch The Recollection Trilogy. Amazing works he's done.**

I also I recommend you check out my Cinder x Male Ruby RWBY lemon fic. Beta'd by thenextgamer author of RWBY: A Boy's Take. My lemon fic is based off of his fic.

And I recommend DocTokuMA's fics **Red vs Blue vs RWBY **and the sequel **RvBvRWBY: Revitilization**

Plus I announce two new fics that I hope to post in the next month. A Venom fic. And an Akame ga Kill PWP Leone x Tatsumi lemon fic. If my procrastination allows it.

I do not own RVB or Akame ga kill.

* * *

**Opening shot of the sun over Blood Gulch. It slides down to reveal Sarge and Donut watching over the canyon from Red Base.**

**Donut: So, just you and me hanging out at the base today, huh Sarge! This is new. I notice you use a shotgun. That's cool. I just use this pistol. It works for me. (whistles casually) So, you think the guys will be back soon? What do you think they're up to? Do you think they stopped at the store? I noticed we were getting pre-tty low on elbow grease. ...When you die, can I have your armor?**

"That has to be annoying." Mine said.

"Agreed." Akame added.

_Simmons comes up the ramp behind them._

**Simmons: Hey, we're back!**

**Sarge and Donut turn around.**

**Donut: Oh man, am I glad to see you guys! Sarge would not stop talking. Seriously.**

"How did they not see them coming from across a canyon?" Wave asked, mostly to himself.

**Sarge: Grif, Simmons, were you able to work out a suitable exchange?**

**Grif runs up and stands next to Simmons.**

**Simmons: (sighs) Uhh, not exactly sir. You see, when we showed up the Blues were doing something, REALLY weird and then w-**

**Grif: Really weird! And they were rude!**

"Rude?! These guys are suppose to kill each other and he's complaining about the other team's manners?" Mine asked incredulously.

"Well it doesn't mean you have to be disrespectful." Sheele said.

"Amen to that." Bols said.

**Simmons: Hey dumbass, I thought we agreed I was gonna tell the story.**

**Grif: (half halfheartedly) Excuse me! Go ahead!**

**Simmons: (to Sarge) Well you see, the Blue guys were really weird. And not just normal weird, really weird.**

"Great storytelling." Suzaku said sarcastically.

"Yeah very descriptive." Dorothea said dryly.

**Grif: You're not telling it right.**

**Simmons: Okay, fine, how do you remember it?**

**Grif: Well, I remember we agreed that you're a kiss-ass. I got fuzzy on the rest of the details.**

"Okay, Grif and Church are my favorite characters after Tex. They take insults and sarcasm to the next level." Leone said laughing a bit.

"Same hear sister." Chelsea said while high fiving Leone.

**Simmons: ANYWAY, they didn't want the prisoner back, sir.**

**Camera zooms in on Sarge.**

**Sarge: Why those cunning, blue devils! Does their treachery know no bounds?**

**Grif: It wasn't a total loss, sir. I was able to steal his wallet.**

"Hey Leone, you and Grif have something in common." Tatsumi said to his blonde girlfriend, referring to when she stole his money.

Leone gasped place her fingers on her chest and said in a mock shocked tone. "What!? No that was just me redistributing wealth for the common good." Tatsumi just rolled his eyes at her.

"And treachery?! They're on opposing sides." Kurome said.

**Sarge: Grif, I may just make a respectable soldier outta you yet.**

**Grif: Really, sir?**

**Sarge: Hell no! Now leave the money on my nightstand and get back to work!**

A few them laughed at that.

"Hypocrite." Seryu said.

**Cut to the Blues.**

**Church: Alright Tucker, what the hell are we gonna do, man? I gotta get my legs working, here.**

**Tucker: I don't know, but I can't just keep pulling wires down there. I think we should call in a professional. Maybe someone who can fix Sheila too.**

"Why not just call command and have them send someone?" Sheele asked.

"I would agree with you but seeing how they sent a useless medic, they might get someone just as useless." Lubbock said.

"Both Red and Blue commands sent two incompetent rookies." Mez said scratching Coro's belly.

"Well, Donut is actually pretty competent seeing that he killed Tex. Who was supposed to be a badass." Akame said munching on some meat.

"And come to think to of it, Caboose has an ounce of competency when he decided to put that sniper rifle to good use back in season 1." Mine said.

"You mean when he team killed Church a second time?" Najenda asked with doubt in her voice and raising an eyebrow.

"Well it was his own damn fault for not telling his team that he would possess Sarge." Dorothea said.

"And I guess it technically doesn't count as a team kill since he shot the enemy leader." Run said.

"Good point," Esdeath said, "And while its cowardly, he could easily possess them into getting killed." The Ice General added.

**Church: Okay, great idea, but the only two people that can do that are Senior El Roboto and Tex.**

**Caboose: Hmm, Tex can be kinda hard to work with.**

**Tucker: Yeah, dead people usually are.**

A few of them laughed at that.

"I beg to differ." Kurome muttered.

"Yeah even if she was alive, I don't think I could trust her." Najenda said.

"Boss why would you say that!? Tex is a total badass." Leone said.

**Church: Quite frankly, Tucker, I find your attitude offensive.**

**Caboose: What about that Lopez person? Is he available?**

**Church: No. I'm in his body, remember?**

**Caboose: Well, why don't you just leave his body, and then Tucker and I will make him fix you and my girlfriend!**

"Gross! And I thought beastiality was bad." Leone gagged.

Esdeath turned to the Lionell user with amusement in her voice. "Oh? Did you hear that Tatsumi? "

Leone glared at Esdeath. "Don't even go there Ice Bitch!" She growled.

Esdeath shrugged while Tatsumi breathed a sigh of relief. A fight avoided.

**Tucker: Girlfriend?**

**Church: What're you, a retard?**

**Caboose: I-I mean uh, Tucker and I will make him fix you, and ah, the beautiful tank lady means nothing to me, uh then we can get you back in his body when he is done.**

"That..." Najenda began to say.

"Sounds like a good idea." Run finished.

**Tucker: I'm confused. That actually seems like a good idea.**

**Church: I know...**

**Tucker: But Caboose said it.**

**Church: I know!**

**Tucker hits Church with his pistol.**

Leone and Chelsea started laughing.

"Oh fuck me. That's gotta hurt." Lubbock said.

"Why'd he do that?" Sheele asked.

**Church: Ow! What the hell was that for?!**

**Tucker: I don't know, I thought maybe I was dreaming. So I punched you in the face to make sure I wasn't.**

"So this is Tucker pulling a Caboose." Akame said.

"I drink to make sure I'm not dreaming." Leone said.

**Church: Tucker, when you think you're dreaming, you don't punch somebody else, you get somebody else to pinch you!**

**Tucker: Dude, it doesn't matter what kind of dream I'm having, I am not going to ask you to pinch me.**

**Church: If you dented my forehead, Tucker, I'm going to be pissed!**

"Dude, you got blasted by a tank." Lubbock said shaking his head.

"And I doubt he would be that strong." Susanoo said.

**Tucker: Yeah, yeah, yeah...**

**Church: Let's try this. I'll jump outta Lopez's body real quick, you two just watch him and make sure he doesn't try anything. Got it?**

**Tucker and Caboose: Okay, Church.**

**Church: (clears throat) Alright, here's goes nothing. Hegerkerker. (Church leaves Lopez's body)**

**Tucker: You know, I have to hand it to you, Caboose, you finally came up with a good idea.**

"Yes but there is glaring flaw to the plan." Susanoo said.

"Oh? And what's that?" Wave asked.

"Lopez won't help the enemy. No matter what you promise him. He's programmed as a Red." Susanoo answered.

"That makes sense. Plus he speaks Spanish so they won't figure out he'll bail on them the moment he walks." Mine added.

"Still, it's a breath of fresh air for Caboose to use his brain for once." Sheele said, smiling a bit.

**Caboose: Aw, thanks, man. It was nothing. (Lopez looks around, apparently confused)**

**Tucker: No, no, you really contributed, and that's what it's all about. (Lopez turns around and runs off the base)**

"What the-" Bulat said.

"I did not expect that." Bols said.

"I kinda did." Run said.

**Caboose: You know, I just enjoy the process.**

**Church: (back to being a ghost) Yeah, back in the spirit world, alright! Man, I forgot how good this feels... kinda loosey goosey. Hey, what'd you guys do with my body?**

**Tucker: What do you care about your body, you can't even move your- (turns around to see Lopez running away) Oh hey, look, your legs work!**

"Yes but how?" Stylish asked, wondering if Lopez had some self-repair protocol.

**O'Malley: (holding up the sniper rifle) This one is mine! (he shoots)**

**Church: Hey, Caboose! Whoa, cut it out, man! You're gonna damage my body! Tucker, you guys go through the teleporter and cut him off. I'll meet you guys out there. (he fades away)**

**Tucker: There's no way I'm going through the teleporter again. I still got this tingle in the back of my... look, dude, I'm just not going back through the teleporter, okay?**

'Ugh...there he goes again. Defying Church's orders. While I don't care much for him he tries at least." Esdeath said.

**Caboose: But Church said so-**

**Tucker: Yeah, but Church didn't think of THIS! (he throws a grenade through the teleporter) Come on, lets go. (he runs off the base)**

"What the- Did he just throw a grenade!?" Mine asked.

"He's gonna end destroying Lopez. They'll be back at square one!" Mez said.

"Actually since Church will lose not only a body but their only _reliable_ means of fixing the tank, they'll be at ground zero." Run said.

"Well I really wouldn't call Lopez reliable since he is the enemy." Cosmina said.

"Reliable in ability just not willingness." Run clarified.

**_Cut to Lopez near the teleporter's exit. Church appears in front of him._**

**Church: Alright, hold it right there, amigo.**

**The grenade comes out the teleporter exit.**

**Lopez: Mira, que cosa mas fina.(runs away)**

**Church: Hey, I said hold it not run away! You big... robot baby! What the hell? That rock looks just like a grenade. ...Ah crap. (it explodes)**

"I guess that makes Tucker the team killing fucktard." Najenda chuckled.

A few others chuckled as well.

**Cut to the explosion being seen from Red Base through a sniper held by Grif. Cut to normal view of Grif with Simmons standing next to him while Sarge approaches them.**

**Sarge: What in Sam Hell is going on out there, Grif?**

**Grif: Sir, I think we're under attack. A very sloppy, poorly coordinated attack.**

"Say's the guy who didn't bring extra ammo." Tatsumi said.

"Again, their attack was was sloppy to begin with." Lubbock defended.

**Sarge: How many do you see?**

**Scope view of Tucker and Caboose running toward them.**

**Grif: There's two coming our way and another one seems to be... (sees Lopez) ...retreating?**

**Cut to normal view of the Reds.**

**Sarge: Oh, we'll give them all the reason to retreat. Saddle up, Simmons. Let's go rope us some blue steer!**

"Why are they going after them? If it was me I'd just stay put and observe." Mine said.

"Why?" Tatsumi asked.

"Well to make sense of what they're doing." Mine answered.

"Who cares?! Finally some action." Leone cheered.

**Simmons: Woohoo!**

**Simmons and Sarge run off the base.**

**Simmons: Alright, yeah!**

**Sarge: Yeah, woohoo, let's go! Alright!**

**Simmons: Let's do it!**

**Donut stands next to Grif.**

**Donut: So, just you and me hanging out at the base... That's cool!**

**Grif: Shut up, rookie.**

**Donut: Do you think they'll be gone long? Me and Sarge had a great time together. We talked about all kinds of stuff...**

"No you talked. Sarge just...ignored you I guess." Dorothea said.

**Grif: (while Donut babbles, most of his lines overlap) Oh my god. I'm not gonna be listening to this all day long.**

**Donut: He showed me a picture of his mother, we talked about home decorating-**

**Grif: Are you ever going to SHUT UP?**

**Donut: -we made macrame ideas-**

**Grif: Jesus Christ!**

**Donut: -we shared recipes for soufflés. Oh man, it was such a blast! And then we talked about our feelings-**

"I actually feel Grif's pain." Mine groaned.

**Grif: (exhasperated sigh) Ugh... god...**

**Donut: -and then we also discussed what it was like to be the loner in high school-**

**Grif: Jesus Christ... You've got to be kidding me. Oh man... I don't wanna listen to this...**

**Donut: -and, you know, all the kids made fun of us, but we had a really great time! I mean, Sarge is a really neat person and we talked about his dream the other night where he dreamed that, uh... some shit happened.**

**Grif: Why me?**

(End episode)

"So next episode anyone?" Tatsumi asked.

"Fuck yeah!" Leone cheered.

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Please leave a review.


	7. In Stereo Where Available

**I'M BAAAACK! Hey guys sorry for the two month wait there were some things that I had to deal and some things I'm still dealing with. Well first off I was dealing with my procrastination, I won't lie about that. But school was a big factor. With the whole COVID-19 thing my classes were cancelled and everything became online. Well just for one class at least. The other three I had paper for each class to write and that took time, effort, and procrastination. This month and a half I've been helping mom out at the restaurant she owns, helping her and others renovate it and more recently a rental house that's now vacant.**

**Furthermore I went through a mild bout of a depressed funk lasting two weeks back in May when my beta reader for my RWBY fic _He Looks Good In that_**_** Tux**,_** thenextgamer said he had long stopped being a fan of RoosterTeeth because of a number of things. Like firing Qrow's VA, treating Monty's widow and friend badly. I know nothing about supposed bad treatment and the direction of the company itself. **

**PLEASE GIVE ME SOME ELABORATION. **

**I decided to post an update today when I found out from CeruleanLancer than JOEl HEYMAN IS NO LONGER WITH ROOSTERTEETH. I'm sure you've heard it. **

I will admit, Roosterteeth is old. It's no longer the same company I feel in love it 12-15 years ago. But I will still watch what they produce.

**ANYWAY I thank you for your patience and after you read this and leave a review checkout the following the fics.**

_**METASTABILITY~ Now this is RWBY RVB xover where Jaune and the META ARE THE SAME FUCKING PEOPLE! HOW?! Read it and find out. Also an ARKOS fic.**_

_**HEART TO HEART~ A post season 5 RWBY fic ****Yang/Jaune, Nora/Ren, Blake/Sun with some Ruby/Oscar and other pairings.**_

_**Check out the RWBY and JNPR Watch Red Vs Blue fics by Cerulean Lancer he's already started season 9. **_

_**So far I've had a mixed year. I bought and played the new Final Fantasy VII remake, but I was disappointed that the entire game isn't on it. I gotta wait another year. COVID hit. The disappointing news I got from thenextgamer... but its not all bad check him out on CHYOA he's writing smut fics on there now.**_

OKAY PLEASE LEAVE A REVIEW.

I don't own Red vs Blue otherwise things would be a bit different by this point.

I don't own Akame ga Kill.

13,193 Views, 117 Faves, 137 alerts and 20 reviews. Thank you for your support.

* * *

**Sarge gets in the Warthog's driver's seat, Simmons mans the turret gun.**

**Simmons: Alright, hit it!**

**Cut to Sheila who the Reds drive past. Cut to Church coughing from the smoke caused by the grenade exploding.**

**Church: What the he-? (cough) Who tried to blow me up with a grenade? ...And why am I coughing? I don't have lungs.**

"I was about to say the same thing." Dorothea commented.

**The Warthog flies over him.**

**Sarge: Yeehaw! Ride 'em, cowboy!**

**Church backs away.**

**Simmons: Hey, Sarge, (leaping from the Warthog) hold on a sec! (Warthog comes to a stop) Did you see something weird, Sarge? (Sarge exits the jeep)**

**Sarge: Yes, I did. Once, when I was a small child, I saw a man, who claimed to be my uncle, do this thing with a garden hose that still haunts me to thi-**

"Oh gross." Mez muttered.

"Okay whoa, back up, Sarge. I think we're getting into some heavy info." Leone said, throwing her hands up.

"Maybe that's what's wrong with him." Kurome suggested

"Nah. That's just old age. But this little trip down memory lane is pretty gross." Wave commented

**Simmons: Whoa whoa whoa, I meant did you see something weird just now. Like five seconds ago.**

**Sarge: Oh. Then no.**

**Simmons: What was all that stuff about your uncle?**

**Sarge: I keep telling everyone he wasn't my uncle! He wasn't!**

**Simmons: ...You wanna talk about it?**

**Sarge: Just get back in the damn jeep. (he gets back in)**

"Yeah that's good idea." Bulat said, nodding.

"Well at least Simmons was just trying to be supportive." Bols said.

**Cut to Tucker and Caboose approaching Lopez and aiming their weapons at him.**

**Tucker: Hold it right there, ambre! (to Caboose) I told you throwing that grenade through the teleporter would work! Church is gonna be so impressed.**

"I doubt that." Mine commented.

"Yep. It seems that every time someone tries to impress Church he gets either blown up or shot." Tatsumi said.

"Almost sounds like Sheele. She fails at doing basic things." Leone giggled at the airhead, who blushed heavily when Run patted her head.

**Caboose: And Sheila will love me again, and this time for who I am and not just for my stunning good looks. But for those too.**

"This all sounds gross, wanting to be in relationship with a tank." Mine said.

"He's childish and very naive." Akame explained. "He probably doesn't understand."

"Maybe." Mine said.

"I can find the beauty in it. Caboose is able to see past that and for Sheila is." Lubbock said.

"I can get behind that though, wanting people to look past my looks, but for me, and my good looks. And I'm glad I found someone who could do that." Leone said ruffling Tatsumi's hair.

Mine blushed and kissed Tatsumi on the cheek. "Same here."

Esdeath laughed lightly. "People would often notice for my fame. I'm glad Tatsumi's feelings for me go beyond that." She hugged to her large chest.

"More like infamy." Najenda muttered.

"Surprised that's the first thing they notice." Lubbock muttered to Wave, eyeing her bountiful bosom his friend was partially buried in.

The other members of Tatsumi's harem agreed with the other three and proceeded to hug and kiss him, which he tried to return.

"I wish someone would look past my airheadedness." Sheele said.

"I'm sure you will one. You have amazing friends who can help you." Run said smiling at her warmly, causing the girl in question to blush immensly.

"Such perfection." Stylish muttered watching the emotional scenery unfold.

"Ah young love." Bols swooned at the sight.

"Hmmm...a relationship with a tank. Sounds interesting." Susanoo muttered.

**Lopez: (in Spanish, captioned) Damn these blue bastards. They really are as stupid as they look.**

**O'Malley: (to Lopez) Your soul is a cavern of lies!**

**Tucker: What the hell are you two talking about?**

**Lopez: (in Spanish, captioned) You may have won this round, but your cruel reign of tyranny will be short lived. The red people will be avenged—**

**Tucker: Yeah yeah yeah, nobody cares. We need you to fix our tank.**

**Lopez: (in Spanish, captioned) Never will I work for the enemy. May a pox be upon your soul and your house.**

"Hmm. I would love to learn about this Spanish language. It seems so interesting. To bad its from another universe." Run said.

**Cut to Lopez's POV/HUD. SAP can be seen in the upper right corner of his visor. In the middle of his visor, red text appears:**

**PRIMARY OBJECTIVES:**

**FIX EVERYTHING**

**HATE THE ORANGE ONE**

**CALL MOM MORE OFTEN**

"Orange one? Does he mean Grif?" Cosmina asked.

"I thought he was yellow." Seryu said.

"I think we've been over this already." Wave said.

"Wait...who's his mother?" Sheele asked but no one answered.

**Lopez: (in Spanish, captioned) Long have my people suffered, but very soon we will see the coming of a new day. The dawn of our time is near, and when the darkness befalls your people the workers of the field will know that this is their moment. (back to normal view, Lopez continues talking)**

"Lopez is like Sarge if he took a literature classes." Run said.

"Or understood poetry." Cosmina added.

"Uhh, I wouldn't go that far." Mez countered.

"Hey Esdeath I think we found the perfect hype man for when you go conquering." Najenda said to her former colleague.

"I need no such position to be filled. My actions are all the hype I need. But still...it's rather inspiring." Esdeath said in awe.

**Tucker: Man, I thought Church talked too much. You think if I kick him in the switch he'll shut up?**

**Caboose: Um, Tucker I think that maybe we should begin the going of the running now! (whispering loudly, clearly panicky) The fast running!**

**Tucker: (sees the Reds off screen) Oh crap!**

"Oooh boy." Suzuka said.

"I wonder how they're gonna get out of this one." Chelsea said.

**Cut to Simmons manning the Warthog's turret.**

**Sarge: Hold your fire there, Simmons. This is payback time.**

**Simmons: Go for it, sir!**

**Cut to Caboose and Tucker.**

**Tucker: That's right, we're just casually strolling away. (he starts backing up) No cause for concern...**

**Caboose: Running time! (he runs away)**

**Tucker: Nice and casual! Moron! (the two run around in circles before they are able to orient themselves, then they head toward Blue Base**)

"Nice and casual?! You got a machine gun pointed at you, Tucker." Lubbock pointed out.

"Yeah running would be the best evasive strategy in this case." Chelsea said.

"I would never run from the enemy." Esdeath crossed her arms.

**Lopez: (watching them run) (in Spanish, captioned) Yes, yes, run away, you cowardly dogs. Be it known that the great Lopez has won this day and...**

**Cut to the Warthog driving toward Lopez.**

**Simmons: Aim for that guy right in the middle, Sarge!**

"OH SHIT! He's wearing blue armor!" Tastumi said.

"No duh! I figured that would be a problem." Mine said.

**Sarge: Way ahead of ya, Simmons!**

**Lopez: (turns around) (in Spanish, captioned) What is happening?**

**Cut to Lopez's HUD, a beeping noise starts as red text appears in the middle of his visor: SYSTEM OVERRIDE PROTOCOL. REMOTE DESTRUCT SEQUENCE**

"Wait...is he gonna blow himself up?!" Seryu asked, shocked.

**Lopez: (with his HUD still displayed) (in Spanish, captioned) You have given me no choice.**

**The HUD changes text to read: ACTIVATED**

**Simmons: We've got you now, you blue bastard!**

**Cut to a zoom in of Lopez.**

**Simmons: Hey, Sarge, do you hear a strange beeping sound?**

**Cut to the Warthog exploding just before reaching Lopez. It launches into the air, flipping over backward twice before landing. Cut to Caboose and Tucker running up to Lopez.**

Leone, Lubbock, and a few others started to laugh at the scene.

"Aaaand there goes the Warthog. Again."

"What is that the fifth time it's gone boom?"

"It is actually the fourth." Susanoo said.

**Lopez: (speaking to Sarge, in Spanish, captioned) I'm sorry, father.**

"He sounds sad." Seryu noted.

"Well why wouldn't he. He thinks he's been betrayed." Wave said.

**Tucker: Alright! Not bad, robot dude!**

**Caboose: I knew he would save us. I knew it! Robot people always like me. ..It's because of my awesome dancing.**

**Lopez: (in Spanish, captioned) My spirit is broken. My people have betrayed me and now all is lost. Do with me what you will...**

**Tucker: Yeah, okay, man. Can you just shut up and fix our tank?**

"No need to be an ass about it, Tucker." Suzuka said.

"Hey, they can't understand a damn thing he's saying." Bulat said.

**Fade to Black. Music plays.**

**Caboose: Dancing time! (makes noises along with the music)**

**Lopez: (in Spanish, captioned) The heart of this warrior cries out in sorrow. (referring to Caboose) Why does this one mock me with his foolish dancing? Are those moves supposed to make him look like a robot? (pause) They do not. I am offended by this.**

(End episode)

"Wow I don't know what to say about that ending." Tatsumi said.

"None of us Tatsumi." Najenda said.

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ALRIGHT Please leave a review that will make me happy and check out those other fics.


	8. Radar Love

**SoRRY for the Wait My readers. I know I said I'd update in August but I just got lazy. And the update was mostly to tell that guest reviewer the story is not dead.**

**Anyway Imm try to make this story look more like Cerulean Lancer's works. Check out his works of RWBY and JNPR watching RvB.**

**I don't own Akame ga Kill or RvB. Red vs Blue is forever owned by Rooster Teeth.**

**Please Read and Review. But not a guest review and one that has to do with the current chapter and or season okay?**

* * *

**Simmons and Grif are on top of Red Base looking down at Sarge as he approaches the upside down Warthog.**

**Grif: Is it just me, or does this jeep seem like really bad luck?**

**Simmons: Yeah. You know, now that you mention it, it does seem like every time we get into the damn thing it breaks, (Donut stands next to Simmons) or explodes, or goes crazy and tries to kill one of us.**

"Exactly what part of that is destroyed?" Mez asked.

"Probably the internals are messed up." Suzaku offered.

"After watching the Master Chief Vs Doomguy death battle, I took the liberty to read up on Halo and found that indeed the vehicles were indestructible." Susanoo said.

"So the guys who made this are just pretending." Chelsea said.

"Yes." Susanoo simply stated.

**Donut: Maybe we should try exchanging it for a few motorcycles. No wait, wait! A big tank like the Blues have. That thing never seems to have any problems at all.**

**Cut to Church next to Sheila who is sending off sparks.**

"Oh the irony." Chelsea said with a bit of mirth.

"Come to think of it, the tank has had similar issues." Wave said.

"What do you mean?" Bols asked.

"Well it's been blown up twice and ended up going crazy." Wave answered.

"And it killed Church because of that. So yeah I think it one upped the jeep in having problems...by killing one of its own." Kurome added.

"And neither team has launched a successful attack with these vehicles." Esdeath said.

**Church: Alright, that's the deal, Mister Robot. You fix our tank, we'll let you go free.**

**Caboose: (whispering to Tucker) I thought the plan was to trick him into fixing the tank and then Church will take over his body again when he is done**.

"Idiot." Mine mumbled.

**Tucker: Yeah, but you don't tell the person you're tricking what's going on Caboose.**

**Caboose: So, if I'm the one being tricked, then you would not tell me what is really going on?!**

**Tucker: Why would we trick you?**

**Caboose: Oh, I think you know.**

**Lopez: (in Spanish, captioned) Where will I go? Even my friends have tried to kill me.**

**Church: Okay, I'm gonna take that as a yes and let you get busy with the tank fixing.**

**Lopez: (in Spanish, captioned) I have no home.**

**Cut to the Reds gathered around the upturned Warthog to Grif on top of it looking through a sniper rifle.**

**Grif: Aw crap. Hey, uh, they got a guy fixing their tank.**

**Sarge: Impossible! Our Intelligence clearly states-**

**Donut: We have intelligence?**

Several of them of them laughed at that minus Susanoo, Esdeath, Kurome, Akame, Run, and Bols.

"Pfft. Hahaha! Oh man that was pretty good." Leone laughed while holding her sides.

"For a self burn? Yes I'd have to agree." Chelsea said wiping a tear.

Akane mumbled in agreement while munching on some meat.

**Sarge: -that the only soldiers in this canyon with mechanical training are that dead Freelancer and Lopez. Oh wait a minute!**

**Simmons: Sarge, are you thinking what I'm thinking? Lopez runs away, the jeep starts driving itself, and suddenly there's a new guy on the Blue Team?**

"Looks like they're starting to put it together now." Run said.

**Sarge: Yes, Simmons, I am. Quite obviously, the Blue Team has constructed some kind of diabolical mind control ray beam, that they used on Lopez and now he has to do their evil Blue bidding!**

"Okay that's just stupid." Wave commented.

"No. He's just a fanatic. He really believes that the Blue team is bad." Bols said.

"I'm still wondering why they're fighting." Akame said.

**Grif: (hops off the Warthog) Or, since he's a robot, maybe they just reprogrammed him.**

"Grif and Simmons seem like the only smart people in the canyon. And because of that I've decided to be pro Red team." Mine said.

"Wait, what?!" Tatsumi did a double take.

"Oh what, so we're choosing teams now?" Esdeath asked.

"Might as well if we're watching this. I'll take Red team too because..." Seryu said while tapping her metal arm

"Woof." Koro said.

"I think I'll throw my lot in for Red team. Their leader seems to have to a scientific mind." Dr. Stylish said.

"Well since Tex is gone I guess Red Team because of Grif." Leone said.

**Donut: Or maybe that Blue guy who got killed by the tank came back as a ghost, and now he's possessing Lopez's body. That could also explain why Sarge went nuts when we had the prisoner. The Blue ghost probably possessed him too. And the jeep going nuts was probably just a weird set of coincidences while the guy learned how to use Lopez's body.**

**Grif, Simmons, and Sarge: (All three stare at Donut)**

"They don't believe him." Sheele commented.

"Even though everything he just said was right, it does sound a bit stupid." Bulat said.

"I would believe it." Seryu declared.

"You would?" Chelsea asked.

"Wellllll...not so much as believing but rather accepting it as a possibility and look it into further down the road. The first thing I would ask about is why Lopez ran away."

"Well as Grif said; he could've been reprogrammed." Cosmina said.

"When did they have the chance reprogram him? And when did they learn they had a robot?" Seryu asked with a smug look.

"That's some detective skills you have there Seryu." Tatsumi said.

_'Skills I wished I had put to good use instead of having Koro do all the- NO! I'm not that person anymore.'_

**Simmons: I think I like the ray beam idea better.**

**Grif: Yeah-heh, rookie, your idea sounds a little dumb.**

**Cut to the Blues watching Lopez fix Sheila. Caboose is hopping up and down.**

**Caboose: Hurry hurry hurry, fix the tank! (stops hopping) So that I can say hello to Sheila.**

**O'Malley: (close up of Caboose's visor) And start killing everyone!**

**Tucker: You mean all the Reds, right?**

**Caboose: (perky) Of course!**

**O'Malley: For starters...**

"O'malley is really affecting Caboose." Sheele commented.

**Church: Come on, how much longer, Lopez?**

**Lopez: Completo. (steps off as the tank starts)**

**Sheila: Thank you for activating the M808V Main Battle Tank.**

**Caboose: Sheila! You're fixed! You're fixed!**

**Sheila: Hello, Private Caboose. It is good to see you again. Thank you for repairing me.**

"Now Caboose can kill Church again." Leone said laughing.

**Tucker: He didn't fix you. Our robot did it.**

**O'Malley: Don't cock block me!**

"Gross." Mine, Leone, and Akame said.

**Tucker: Dude, come on.**

**Sheila: Robot? I wasn't aware that our squad was outfitted with a robot.**

**Lopez and Sheila slowly make eye contact, romantic harp music plays.**

**Caboose: I don't like where this is going.**

"Robot on robot?" Leone said. "I wonder how that would even work."

"Sis! Gross." Tatsumi yelled as his girlfriend.

"Hey Su, if you ever need some alone time-"

"Lubba! Stop right there." Najenda said pointing her mechanical finger at him.

"I'm just saying if were about to seem some robot on robot action, we should give him the room. Or I can show a good place to go." Lubbock said trying not to laugh.

"Acknowledged." Susanoo simply stated.

**Sheila: Hello there. My name is Sheila. The M808V Main Battle Tank.**

**Lopez: (in Spanish, captioned) And I am Lopez, the heavy.**

**Sheila: Lopez, what a nice name for such a nice soldier. You have such excellent motor skills.**

"She can understand him?" Dorothea asked.

"Probably the computer... functions and what not." Tatsumi struggled to say.

"You okay there Tats?" Lubbock asked raising an eyebrow, his voice having a hint of mirth. He had a pretty good idea that his bumpkin upbringing struck him just now.

The boy in question raised his hands half way, "I'm fine."

"Falling in love with someone who can understand him? Literally. Guess his luck is turning around." Mez said.

"I'd be lucky if I could learn this language called Spanish." Run grumbled.

**Caboose: Umm, yes! Well, Lopez has to go now. He was just here to help me fix you and now he has to go AWAY.**

**Tucker: Dude, this is getting weird. Church, will you take your fucking body back?**

**Church: Roger that.**

**Lopez: (in Spanish, captioned) No! Heauegerkergerk! (Lopez's body twitches as Church enters it)**

**Tucker: You okay in there, Church? Church, hey what's going on? Do I need to flip your switch?**

**Church: (reappears) What the-? That wasn't me. What the hell's going on here?**

**Tex: (possessing Lopez) Well, buenos dias, cockbites. Guess who's back?**

"OH MY GOD! Tex is back! Switching to Blue Team!" Leone screamed with excitement, practically jumping from her seat.

"What is going on?" Dr. Stylish asked. "How are she and Church ghosts? And how can they possess a robot?

"I don't know, doctor. Even I'm suspicious." Seryu said.

"Who cares? Next episode." Chelsea said.


End file.
